Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Do you think some men have sex with prostitutes because they're too afraid to talk to women? Money does the talking for them.

You are like me, then.

I had run out of hope.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

What was the weakest period in US history in terms of military strength? Was it during World War II or the Vietnam War?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Be who you already are.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

🌿🌻Why are Meghan and Harry not treated like royalty in the United States anymore?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Why is it common for guys to sleep with 10-20 women then marry a good girl?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Do women lack the mental strength to succeed at STEM? There seems to be few women at STEM and more women leave STEM after a time of working at it. How can it be just sexism if women aren't banned from entering?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Why am I sweating so much at night even though my room is really cold?

And the sadness?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Can they start feeding only one meal to prisoners on death row or those doing a life sentence? Because only then will it be real punishment. If they want extra food they can work or pay from their own pocket.

It’s here now, writing to you.

I was tired of fighting.

The sadness was still there.

Why did the American's mulberry harbor not hold up after D-Day?

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

It’s still here.

What was the most challenging shift you experienced as an ER physician? Can you describe the details and reasons behind it?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.